A Brief History of Questionable Conference Attendance
Over my career, I have attended approximately 23 academic conferences. This number is lower than typical for a research scientist, which tells you something about either my productivity or my social skills. Possibly both.
Of these 23 conferences, I would categorize them as follows:
- Legitimate and valuable: 8
- Legitimate but useless: 6
- Questionable legitimacy: 5
- Actively bizarre: 3
- I’m still not sure if it was real: 1
Today I will document the more memorable experiences from the latter categories.
Category: Questionable Legitimacy
The International Symposium on Overlooked Phenomena (1999)
This conference was held in Almaty, which was convenient since I lived there. The organizing committee consisted of three people, one of whom was the hotel manager.
The symposium attracted approximately 30 attendees, which seemed promising until I realized 12 of them were presenting papers. This meant each presenter had an audience of about 1.5 people on average, accounting for bathroom breaks.
Notable presentations:
Dr. Volkov’s Talk: “Magnetic Anomalies in Household Cutlery: A Seven-Year Analysis”
Dr. Volkov had spent seven years testing thousands of spoons and forks for unexpected magnetic properties. He found none. His conclusion: “The absence of anomalies is itself anomalous given statistical expectations.”
I asked: “What statistical expectations?”
He replied: “Intuitive ones.”
This was my kind of conference.
My Own Contribution: “Preliminary Observations on Temperature Variations in Concrete Structures”
I presented early findings from my concrete study. The audience (4 people, a good turnout) seemed interested. One person asked if I had considered that concrete simply… changes temperature.
Yes. I had considered this.
The Banquet:
The conference banquet was held in the hotel restaurant. Cost: $8 per person. Quality: Consistent with price. The keynote speaker (Dr. Volkov) gave a toast about “the courage to investigate what others ignore.”
We all drank to this. It seemed appropriate.
The Workshop on Alternative Measurement Methodologies (2007)
“Workshop” is generous. There were six of us in a rented classroom in Astana. The “organizer” had advertised it as covering “revolutionary new approaches to scientific measurement.”
The revolutionary approaches turned out to be:
- Dowsing rods (for finding electromagnetic fields, not water)
- Pendulum-based mass spectrometry
- “Intuitive resonance detection”
- One legitimate presentation on uncertainty quantification (mine)
I realized halfway through my talk that I was the control group.
The dowsing rod presentation was surprisingly popular. The presenter demonstrated detecting the electromagnetic field of a mobile phone by holding two bent coat hangers. They moved. Physics does not explain this, but air currents and the ideomotor effect do.
I mentioned this. It was not appreciated.
Valuable outcome: I met a technician who later sold me a working oscilloscope for very cheap. He said he “respected my skepticism.” Worth the trip.
Category: Actively Bizarre
The Conference That Wasn’t a Conference (2010)
In 2010, I received an invitation to present at the “Eurasian Forum on Emerging Scientific Frontiers” in Astana. The invitation was professionally formatted. The organizing committee included people with impressive-sounding titles. Registration was free.
I should have been suspicious about the free registration.
I arrived to discover the “conference” was actually a promotional event for a company selling “quantum wellness devices.” My presentation was scheduled between “Quantum Harmonics and Cellular Rejuvenation” and “Torsion Fields: The New Physics of Consciousness.”
I presented my concrete temperature data. The audience (about 40 people expecting to learn about wellness products) appeared confused. One person asked if concrete temperature relates to chakra alignment.
I said no.
They seemed disappointed.
After my talk, a salesman approached me. He said my “scientific credibility” would be valuable for their marketing materials. He offered me $500 to endorse their quantum wellness device.
I declined. Not because of ethics (I would have considered it for more money), but because I tested their device. It was a random number generator in a plastic box.
I left during the lunch break.
The Symposium on Temporal Anomalies (2013)
This conference was organized by a group claiming to study time perception anomalies, temporal distortions, and “chronological inconsistencies in measurement.”
This sounded legitimate enough that I submitted an abstract about the Thursday oscilloscope phenomenon. It was accepted.
The conference took place in a renovated sanatorium outside Almaty. There were maybe 25 attendees. The presentations ranged from “interesting” to “concerning.”
Highlight presentations:
Dr. Kuznetsova: “Observed Time Dilation Effects in High-Stress Situations”
Actually interesting! She had data on subjective time perception during emergencies. Legitimate psychology research. Good experimental design. This gave me hope.
Dr. Petrov: “Temporal Loops in Domestic Settings: A Case Study”
Dr. Petrov claimed his kitchen clock ran backwards on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He had photographs. They were clearly manipulated. When I pointed this out, he accused me of “closed-mindedness.”
I am open-minded about many things. Time reversal in kitchen appliances requires better evidence than blurry photographs.
My Talk: “Periodic Electronic Anomalies: The Thursday Oscilloscope Case”
I presented the data honestly: unexplained phenomenon, multiple hypotheses, resolved by transformer replacement, probably not meaningful.
The audience was divided:
- Half thought I was too skeptical about temporal anomalies
- Half thought I was too credulous about electromagnetic interference
- Everyone agreed I should have been more certain about something
The Tuesday Phenomenon:
On the second day (which was Tuesday), three separate presenters mentioned their data showed anomalies specifically on Tuesdays. Nobody else seemed to find this noteworthy.
I mentioned my own Tuesday concrete and refrigerator observations. Suddenly I was a star presenter.
One attendee asked if I thought Tuesdays had “different temporal properties.”
I said: “No, but I’m open to better explanations than coincidence.”
They took this as agreement. I was invited to join their “Tuesday Research Consortium.”
I declined. I prefer my Tuesday anomalies unexplained and personal.
The Conference I’m Still Not Sure About (2008)
In 2008, I was invited to present at a conference in Shymkent. The invitation mentioned “fringe physics phenomena” and promised “open-minded scientific dialogue.”
I arrived to find the conference was held in a former factory building. There were approximately 15 attendees. Everyone seemed to know each other except me.
Red flags I should have noticed:
- No name badges
- No registration desk
- No conference program
- People referred to it as “the meeting” not “the conference”
Presentations I witnessed:
Someone (I never got his name) presented 90 minutes on “electromagnetic consciousness fields.” He had no data, many diagrams, and intense conviction.
A woman discussed “resonant healing through geometric forms.” She distributed photocopied mandalas.
A man claimed he could detect underground water using modified television antennas. He demonstrated this in the parking lot. He found “water signals” everywhere. This is not surprising since there is groundwater throughout Kazakhstan.
My presentation:
I presented my refrigerator frequency data. Everyone was very interested. They asked if I had correlated the frequencies with “planetary alignments” or “geomagnetic fluctuations.”
I had not.
They suggested I should.
After my talk, the main organizer took me aside. He said they were impressed with my “measurement capabilities” and asked if I could build them “detection equipment.”
I asked: “Detection of what?”
He said: “Various phenomena.”
I said: “Could you be more specific?”
He could not.
I left before the lunch break (this was becoming a pattern).
Later reflection: I am 60% certain this was not actually an academic conference. I am 30% certain it was some kind of equipment procurement meeting. I am 10% certain it was exactly what it claimed to be.
I have never been contacted by them again. This is probably good.
Lessons Learned
- Free registration is a warning sign
Legitimate conferences cost money because organizing them costs money. Free conferences are either heavily sponsored (rare) or not actually conferences (common).
- Check who else is presenting
If you are the only presenter with publications in actual journals, reconsider attendance.
- “Open-minded” often means “uncritical”
Legitimate science is open-minded about evidence, not about claims. “Open-minded” conferences often mean “will listen to anything regardless of plausibility.”
- The Tuesday Pattern Persists
Three different conferences, multiple presenters, all reporting Tuesday anomalies in their data. Either:
- Tuesdays genuinely affect certain measurements
- People who notice Tuesday anomalies self-select into fringe conferences
- Confirmation bias operates on a weekly schedule
- Some other explanation I haven’t considered
I still don’t know which is correct.
- Leave Before the Lunch Break
If you realize mid-conference that you’ve made a mistake, the lunch break provides a socially acceptable exit point. Use it.
The Good Conferences
For balance, I should note that 8 of my 23 conference experiences were genuinely valuable:
- Met colleagues who became long-term contacts (Dmitri, Svetlana)
- Learned new measurement techniques
- Received useful feedback on my research
- Discovered I was not alone in pursuing obscure questions
- Got ideas for equipment purchases
- Free coffee (important)
But those conferences don’t make interesting stories. The bizarre ones do.
Current Status
I have not attended a conference since 2015. This is partly due to lack of institutional affiliation, partly due to lack of funding, and partly due to having learned my lesson about free conferences in former factories.
Dmitri occasionally invites me to legitimate conferences. I consider going. Then I remember the quantum wellness devices, the dowsing rods, the Tuesday Research Consortium, and the mysterious “meeting” in Shymkent.
I stay home and measure my refrigerator instead.
At least I know what I’m measuring. Usually.
If you are organizing a legitimate conference and think I might have something to contribute, please send details. I will evaluate carefully.
If you are organizing a quantum wellness forum, please do not contact me.
If you are organizing a Tuesday Research Consortium meeting, I am slightly interested but ultimately will decline.
Written while not attending any conferences.