Empty Sunday street in residential Almaty

It is 11:00 on Sunday morning. My apartment is quiet. The street below is quiet. The neighbor’s television is off (unusual). The hallway is empty. Even the ever-present hum of the building’s ventilation system seems muted.

Sundays in Almaty are the quietest day of the week.

This is an observation, not a complaint. Observations do not require emotional content. They simply require accurate notation of conditions.

Current conditions:

  • Temperature: 16.2°C (apartment heating is marginal)
  • Outdoor temperature: -8°C (clear sky, no wind)
  • Noise level: ~32 dB (measured with phone app, accuracy ±3 dB)
  • Number of people visible from window: 0 (observed over 15-minute period)
  • Cups of tea consumed: 2 (between 08:30 and 11:00)

These are facts. Facts are comfortable. Facts do not require interpretation.

The Sunday Schedule (Or Lack Thereof)

On weekdays, I have structure:

  • Morning measurements (refrigerator compressor frequency, room temperature baseline)
  • Email correspondence (if any)
  • Equipment maintenance
  • Research reading
  • Tea
  • Evening measurements
  • More tea

On Sundays, this structure dissolves. There are no measurements that require Sunday-specific data collection. There is no email correspondence (people do not write about technical matters on Sundays). There is only… time.

I am not good with unstructured time.

What I Did This Morning

08:30 - Woke up (later than usual, no alarm set)

08:47 - Made tea (Georgian blend, second-best option after my preferred brand which has been reformulated)

09:15 - Considered writing blog post (decided against it, nothing to report)

09:30 - Read old papers (my own, from 1998-2003 period)

This was a mistake.

Reading Your Own Research Papers After 20+ Years

I found a folder on my hard drive labeled “Laboratory 23-Б Publications” that I have not opened since approximately 2008. It contains PDFs of all papers I authored or co-authored between 1995 and 2004.

Total count: 17 papers

  • 8 as primary author
  • 9 as co-author (mostly with Dr. Yevgeny or Svetlana)
  • Total citations across all papers: 3 (two were corrections to my methodology)

Reading them now, I notice several things:

1. The writing is more confident than I remember.

In my memory, I was uncertain, constantly questioning whether my work had value. But the papers do not read this way. They read as if written by someone who believed—or at least successfully pretended to believe—that measuring temperature fluctuations in concrete was important.

Perhaps I was better at self-deception then. Or perhaps I simply had more energy for pretending.

2. The methodology is sound.

Whatever else can be said about my research, the experimental design is rigorous. Proper controls, adequate sample sizes, statistical analysis that (mostly) follows appropriate protocols. Dr. Yevgeny insisted on this. “If you are going to study useless things,” he said, “at least study them correctly.”

I followed this advice.

3. The conclusions are honest.

I do not claim more than the data supports. I do not speculate wildly. I acknowledge limitations, alternative explanations, and the general improbability that anyone will find this research useful.

Reading this now: I was a competent scientist studying things that did not matter.

I am not sure if this should make me proud or sad.

A Photograph (Found in the Same Folder)

Embedded in one of the papers—I think it was the 2000 concrete resonance study—I found a photograph I had forgotten existed.

Laboratory 23-Б, New Year’s Eve 2000. The Y2K celebration.

In the photo:

  • Dr. Yevgeny (center, holding vodka glass, managing to look pessimistic even while celebrating)
  • Svetlana (left, smiling, the only person who looks actually happy)
  • Igor (right, making a face at the camera, not taking anything seriously as usual)
  • Me (back right, partially obscured, holding tea instead of vodka because I have never liked alcohol)
  • Dr. Boris (front, in his characteristic wrinkled shirt, somehow already looking disheveled at 8 PM)

We are in the break room. There is a small New Year tree on the table (Soviet tradition, stubbornly maintained). The photograph is slightly blurred—I think Dr. Yevgeny took it with a timer setting and the camera moved.

We look young. Even Dr. Yevgeny, who was 45 then, looks young to me now.

That was 26 years ago.

Where They Are Now (An Accounting)

Dr. Yevgeny Konstantinovich: Retired, Yekaterinburg, growing tomatoes and complaining about yields. Still alive, still pessimistic, still writes emails in ALL CAPS.

Dr. Svetlana Petrovna: University professor, Almaty (same city as me!), organized and successful. We meet for coffee twice yearly. I am overdue to contact her.

Igor the Technician: Returned to hometown, repairs appliances, consults on “unusual technical problems.” Last contact: email in 2023 about electromagnetic interference in washing machines.

Dr. Boris Mikhailovich: Unknown. Lost contact circa 2002. Hope he found somewhere with better laundry facilities.

Me: Alone in apartment, reading old papers on Sunday morning, writing about this experience instead of… what? What should I be doing instead?

This is the question I cannot answer.

On Loneliness vs. Being Alone (A Distinction)

I am alone. This is a fact. I live alone, work alone, conduct research alone, drink tea alone.

But am I lonely?

Definition check:

  • Alone: State of being by oneself. Objective, measurable.
  • Lonely: Emotional response to isolation. Subjective, difficult to quantify.

I am definitely alone. I am… probably lonely.

But “probably lonely” is not the same as “certainly lonely,” and the distinction matters. If I am only “probably lonely,” then perhaps this is acceptable. Perhaps this is simply the normal state of a 53-year-old former scientist with niche interests and limited social network.

Or perhaps this is rationalization.

I suspect it is rationalization.

What I Did Not Do This Morning

Did not: Call Mikhail Borisovich

Reason: We spoke ten days ago. Calling again so soon would seem… needy? Desperate? I am not sure of the appropriate interval for friendship maintenance. Once per week? Once per month? We have scheduled call for February 3rd (a Tuesday, coincidentally). That is 23 days away.

23 days seems long.

But calling today seems too soon.

Did not: Email Svetlana about coffee

Reason: We met in August (5 months ago). Our usual interval is 6 months. January is too early. Also, what would I say? “Hello, I was feeling lonely on Sunday morning so I thought I would invite you to coffee”? This seems pathetic.

I will wait until February.

Did not: Contact Igor about anything

Reason: No reason. I simply did not think of it until writing this sentence. Now I feel guilty. Igor would not care about appropriate contact intervals. Igor would accept a phone call from someone he hasn’t spoken to in 3 years and immediately start discussing technical problems as if no time had passed.

Maybe I should be more like Igor.

Did not: Measure anything

Reason: What would I measure? Sunday silence? Loneliness? These are not quantifiable… or are they?

Noise level: 32 dB (already measured) Social contacts in past week: 2 (Mikhail twice, Dr. Yevgeny via email) Social contacts desired: [DATA UNAVAILABLE]

No, loneliness is not quantifiable. Or if it is, I do not have the right instruments.

What I Did Do (Eventually)

11:47 - Made third cup of tea

12:15 - Walked to corner bakery (8-minute walk)

  • Purchased: 1 loaf black bread (traditional, not sweet)
  • Encountered: 0 people I know
  • Duration of human interaction: ~30 seconds (transaction with cashier)
  • Weather: Cold but clear, pleasant if you wear appropriate coat

12:30 - Returned home

12:45 - Ate bread with butter and honey

13:15 - Started writing this blog post

14:30 - Still writing this blog post

Writing takes longer than I expect. Or perhaps I am using writing as a substitute for other activities I am avoiding. Also possible.

On the Purpose of Sundays

I have been thinking about what Sundays are for.

In Soviet times, Sunday was theoretically a rest day, though in practice many people worked anyway (state planning did not recognize weekends). In religious contexts, Sunday is for worship, community, family.

For me, Sunday appears to be for:

  • Drinking tea
  • Reading old papers and feeling uncertain about life choices
  • Walking to bakery
  • Writing excessively long blog posts about loneliness while pretending to analyze it objectively

This seems inadequate.

But I am not sure what the alternative is.

A Decision (Small)

I will email Igor this evening. No particular reason. Just to say hello, ask about his work, mention the power supply capacitor failure. He will appreciate the technical problem. We will exchange 3-4 emails about repair strategies. This is how we maintain friendship: through shared interest in broken equipment.

It is not much. But it is something.

I will not call Mikhail (too soon). I will not email Svetlana (too early for coffee invitation). I will email Igor (appropriate).

These are the social calculations I make. I am probably overthinking this. Igor would not overthink this. Igor would call or not call based on impulse, not analysis.

But I am not Igor. I am someone who measures refrigerator frequencies and writes 1,500-word blog posts about being alone on Sunday.

This is simply who I am.

Current Status (15:20)

The apartment is still quiet. The street is still empty. I have now consumed four cups of tea (possibly excessive). The temperature has dropped to 15.8°C (heating remains marginal, this is normal for Sunday).

I am still alone. I am probably still lonely.

But I have:

  • Written this post
  • Made a plan to contact Igor
  • Eaten bread with honey (small pleasure, but pleasure nonetheless)
  • Acknowledged my emotional state without catastrophizing

Tomorrow is Monday. Mondays have structure. I will return to measurements, correspondence, routine. Sundays are difficult, but they are only one day per week.

I can manage one day per week of difficulty.

This is not optimism. This is simply… endurance.

Status: Alive, alone, adequately nourished, probably lonely but managing.

Tea consumption: 4 cups (may switch to water for hydration purposes).

Social contact planned: Email to Igor (evening).

Emotional state: Neutral with pessimistic undertones (my natural baseline).

Weather forecast for tomorrow: -6°C, partly cloudy. Unremarkable. Perfect.

Note to self: Sundays are survivable. Remember this next Sunday when you forget it again.